pick one song thats describes whats happening with you at the moment.

I don't wanna be adored
Don't wanna be first in line
Or make myself heard
I'd like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved

No, don't wanna be the only one you know
I wanna be the place you call home

I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
I give much more
Than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend
Just shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
And warm me up again

Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple

I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for

Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way

To lay yourself down
And make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for

lolz.

Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

Think About It.

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours.

- Ayn Rand

E.E. Cummings once wrote; To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.

T.H. White said: Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return.

Tennessee Williams once wrote: When so many are lonely as seems to be lonely it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone.

Stephen King once wrote: Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness. And sometimes we lose them there again.

Joseph Conrad once wrote: Who knows what true happiness is? Not the conventional word, but the naked terror. To the lonely themselves, it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory. Or some illusion.

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one.

Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"

Idus Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. And do not trouble about the future for it is yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful, that it will be worth remembering.

Nathan: (voiceover) Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.

---

Nathan: You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it. God, I love this game.

---

Nathan: Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself; to do a little more, to show you're something special. Something like this.... Lucas is gone but that doesn't mean the season is over. As a matter of fact, I say it's just beginning. You might want to stay out of my way for a while.... Life's funny sometimes; can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it pushing back.

Lucas: Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small , like when we do a bad thing, for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret, because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes we bury our regret, by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did... but the things we didn't do. The things we didn't say that could save someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way.

Lucas: Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has.

haha sorry overload of quotes XD onetreehill XD

SUCKEN oath!

i didnt wanna say the "f" word so yeah replaced it with sucken all good =)
anyways your probably wondering why the titles like that, well
my day was fucken shit well some bits were
anyways woke up at like 8:30 to my mum raging and shit at me for going out and shit alot, i told her this is one outing of a few that i will go out these holidays but yeah shes till raged but fuck that. mm i was supposed to catch the train this morning with sam but fuck hadto stay back and clean my room fucken oath. i hate it, i hate how my mum can be sucha pain at times. but yeah after all that finally got a lift from dad to the station. just before that i rushed into the house to get $20 but yeah that part will be relevant later on.
anyways
got on the train started listening to my ipod, so many songs came up that just made me think and shit. but yeah anwyays when i got to state saw sam and the twins. sat down and started doing some work, after like half an hour, guess who i see?
my ex.. fuck as soon as i saw her i knew my day was gonna be shit and yeah more stuff to come. i she didnt see me so it was all good so i gave her a staunch.
anyways time flew by and it was like 12:40 so we decided to go to lunch and yeah

was walking up the stairs and going through my pockets to find that $20 i got coz i was gonna shout samantha lunch coz i owe her. but WTF it wasnt tehre
i kept looking and fucken hell i fucken lost it. fucken jsut made my day the whole much more shitter, sigh anwyays walked to pitt st food court
sam bought me maccas ^^ and yeah thanks for that i owe you one .. or two xD but yeah thanks alot
you really cheered me up today even though it didnt seem like it
sorry for being all stoner emo
but yeah sat down and ate,had interesting convos with sam and the twins
well not really i didnt talk much, but i liked to listen
to sams randomness and yeah. pretty cheery
just listening to sam rant on xP about like " eww pineapples" haha preh funny
just kept asking questions " which do you prefer this or that "
really interesting :)

anwyays after a while of chatting or lack there of on my part went with the twins to myer coz debbie wanted to buy a card. was looking through many cards and so many quotes i found. really touching. anyways shopped arnd a bit and yeah preh fun i guess. walked back to state and i was still pissy kinda over the $20 i lost but yeah

when we got back to state started hardcore studying. got through like a trial paper, fuck that owned me, did some business then yeah i kinda err fell asleep...LOL
woke up the twins were leaving so me and sam decided to leave as well
walked to kino looked through manga and stuff haha i found some pretty interesting books while sam went off to look for her manga. pretty kinky books but yeah
after that walked to town hall and decided to go home.

i asked sam " imagine a perfect moment in your future where all your dreams come true, who do you see standing next to you?"

she had no repsonse. coz all in all its hard to know what the future holds but yeah
thats my enlightenment of the day lolol

i thought alot on the way home as sam got carried away with her manga. its fun to think at times. but its also brain straining. just wish things got back to the way they were.
16. the number of days whre shits just been hitting the fan

sigh. oh and i went to church today. saw clare she probably didnt see me. i miss her.

anyways today was pretty i dunno. just shitty at times
but thanks to sam and the twins for making things easy at times
even though i didnt show it, just thanks really needed it today =)

laters

Disappointment after disappointment

fucken fags are such fucken fags

and the disappointments keep piling up
fuck this

Lifeline

and a burst of tears rolled down my face. fuck its been a long time since i last cried.. fucken hell

Life And Death

i nearly got hit by a bus today . fuck it was so close
thanks to the person who pulled me back god bless your soul
i kinda wonder what would have happened if i got hit by the bus. yeah id be fucked over but if i died i wonder how my funeral would be like. would people even get the news that i got hit by the bus and would people care?
i dont know, its just weird how things are going. ive been in a shit mood all week or since last week and i dont think anyones noticed. a friend told me that she had a feeling id have this all week, well your prediction is coming true.

sigh ,sucha sad world we live in.

mm

fucken fuckidity fuck fucken fuck