I HATE not being able to be myself. it feels fully shit and right now im mega angry. i just cant do anything right. cant focus, not inspired, not motivated and i have like zero confidence in my ability atm.
i fucken hate it
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club...
yeah i watched fightclub today and it kinda screwed over my head. my whole view is kinda weird now. well not really but that movie kinda got to me . just the whole plot of it and how it was played out in the end. but overall i really liked it.
just how the director portrayed people to be wasting lives and how he used brad pitt and edward norton to represent the whole nature of the split personality. also how it showed society is fucked up and how our lives our ruined by our daily lives and how we hafta experience near death experiences to make our lives reborn again. or some shit like that.
there were also alot of subliminal messages throughout the whole movie i remember in the start of the movie there were alot of scenes were you see brad pitt blurry and stuff. that kinda got me tripping but yeah it was a good movie. even though it was kinda sucked up but yeah i thoroughly enjoyed it.
anyways i didnt do much today cept do some marketing essay and just randomly sit on the comp. got a call from margaret and yeah i dunno . just talked..
then went out to city at 5 to meet up with lease garmon shale and chris. we wre gonna all go pool together but garmon had last minute plans with parents www.xmaelstrom.blogsome.com and it was sucked. ended up with me lease and chris going snooker. lease won and chris came 2nd. and i obviously came last. i kinda lost my passion for snooker and pool. my passion and confidence and overall inspiration has been like non existent lately.
but yeah after taht went maccas and ate. i feel so fatty ive eaten take out for the last 3 days. so kinda need to cut down. then after went home.
i realised today that a song that most applies to me is "dreaming with a broken heart"
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Dreaming-With-A-Broken-Heart-lyrics-John-Mayer/510F4E3DDFDFCFF3482571D900143418
that link there the lyrics and comments kinda got me all like "=/" and yeah
just read one of the comments
"I fell hard for this girl...I really started liking her right off the back. I never pursued her more than she did me, just so i can play it safe. well long story short out of the blue she came up to me and told me we should be just friends! I was hurt, but I tried to respect her wishes...but it was way too dificult knowing that something was once there...I chased her...and lost her! We're still friends, but it is so hard to think of it staying this was!"
that comment jsut kinda sums up how i kidna feel. or what im going through. or some shit like that but yea.
anyways im just call it quits here
till next time
laters.
just how the director portrayed people to be wasting lives and how he used brad pitt and edward norton to represent the whole nature of the split personality. also how it showed society is fucked up and how our lives our ruined by our daily lives and how we hafta experience near death experiences to make our lives reborn again. or some shit like that.
there were also alot of subliminal messages throughout the whole movie i remember in the start of the movie there were alot of scenes were you see brad pitt blurry and stuff. that kinda got me tripping but yeah it was a good movie. even though it was kinda sucked up but yeah i thoroughly enjoyed it.
anyways i didnt do much today cept do some marketing essay and just randomly sit on the comp. got a call from margaret and yeah i dunno . just talked..
then went out to city at 5 to meet up with lease garmon shale and chris. we wre gonna all go pool together but garmon had last minute plans with parents www.xmaelstrom.blogsome.com and it was sucked. ended up with me lease and chris going snooker. lease won and chris came 2nd. and i obviously came last. i kinda lost my passion for snooker and pool. my passion and confidence and overall inspiration has been like non existent lately.
but yeah after taht went maccas and ate. i feel so fatty ive eaten take out for the last 3 days. so kinda need to cut down. then after went home.
i realised today that a song that most applies to me is "dreaming with a broken heart"
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Dreaming-With-A-Broken-Heart-lyrics-John-Mayer/510F4E3DDFDFCFF3482571D900143418
that link there the lyrics and comments kinda got me all like "=/" and yeah
just read one of the comments
"I fell hard for this girl...I really started liking her right off the back. I never pursued her more than she did me, just so i can play it safe. well long story short out of the blue she came up to me and told me we should be just friends! I was hurt, but I tried to respect her wishes...but it was way too dificult knowing that something was once there...I chased her...and lost her! We're still friends, but it is so hard to think of it staying this was!"
that comment jsut kinda sums up how i kidna feel. or what im going through. or some shit like that but yea.
anyways im just call it quits here
till next time
laters.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
These Walls
my mood hasnt really changed much to how it was yesterday
i slept pretty late last night like 2 or 3ish
and i woke up at like 7?
basically spent the whole day just kinda feeling this feeling of sadness
its kinda depressing. i just kinda seemed like cold or something. i hated that feeeling but yeah.
i went to go poker at around 5 met up with lazy richard and femo.
we ended up not getting in the cash prizes
but i guess it was alright.
after that went to the city and met up with garmon chris and leith. watched them cod 4 for a bit then after went with lazy and femo to get kfc.
ended up eating it outside galaxy world then after played some 2v1 dota.
then yeah went home. kinda looking back at that day it all seems weird to me. i have this feeling of just things not right.
sigh.
anyways imma be off to get some sleep
laters.
i slept pretty late last night like 2 or 3ish
and i woke up at like 7?
basically spent the whole day just kinda feeling this feeling of sadness
its kinda depressing. i just kinda seemed like cold or something. i hated that feeeling but yeah.
i went to go poker at around 5 met up with lazy richard and femo.
we ended up not getting in the cash prizes
but i guess it was alright.
after that went to the city and met up with garmon chris and leith. watched them cod 4 for a bit then after went with lazy and femo to get kfc.
ended up eating it outside galaxy world then after played some 2v1 dota.
then yeah went home. kinda looking back at that day it all seems weird to me. i have this feeling of just things not right.
sigh.
anyways imma be off to get some sleep
laters.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Your Heart Is An Empty Room
Today, was a pretty low day for me. i woke up today at like 9 to get to uni at around 12. left the house around 10. as i travelled all the way to parramatta i felt sort of weird. same feeling ive had for the past few days. everything seemed like it was slow. every song that came up just made me feel sad. but yeah got to uni. spent like a hour there listening to some guy talk about economics then left to city to visit m.
then yeah
from then on it just kinda went down and down. m just told me all this stuff. and when i just got the gist of it. my insides just felt shit and overall my feeling just went down. i was happy to see her but then my feeling all but went downhill.
i kinda walked off when she went to see nicole, i should of said a proper goodbye but i just felt so crushed.
i went off to find garmon at work and he wasnt there so i guessed he would be at ct hunta doing stuff and he was.
so yeah
just kinda did stuff and yeah did some work for him
before i knew it was 6:30 and we went to where he worked.
as i was sitting there i felt so shit. my heart felt like it was fully crushed and i had this full on feeling of shitness. i wanted to cry but tears wouldnt come out. thoughts kept running through my head of why how comes and all this. it just made me really depressed. i txtd her this but i dunno if she got it coz i got no reply. but yeah anyways. it was a apretty low point for me. its the lowest ive been in a while. and to be honest fuck i hated it...
anyways i walked with garmon to darling harbour starbucks and we bought some hot choc and then we went up to the highway and just sat thre for like a hour or so and just had a dnm. it was pretty good hanging with him. it made me think abt alot of stuff but overall it was good. i hadnt it done it for a while with him and it felt good just catching up and talking things out. but yeah andyways at around 7:30 ish we called it a night
and went home.
on the train home i felt more shit
but yeah
ive really got nothing much else to say
that thing that makes me "unique" or "special" is still missing.
i need to find it.
to be whole again.. ( how kinda cheesy)
laters
*title: Your Heart Is An Empty Room - Death Cab For Cutie
then yeah
from then on it just kinda went down and down. m just told me all this stuff. and when i just got the gist of it. my insides just felt shit and overall my feeling just went down. i was happy to see her but then my feeling all but went downhill.
i kinda walked off when she went to see nicole, i should of said a proper goodbye but i just felt so crushed.
i went off to find garmon at work and he wasnt there so i guessed he would be at ct hunta doing stuff and he was.
so yeah
just kinda did stuff and yeah did some work for him
before i knew it was 6:30 and we went to where he worked.
as i was sitting there i felt so shit. my heart felt like it was fully crushed and i had this full on feeling of shitness. i wanted to cry but tears wouldnt come out. thoughts kept running through my head of why how comes and all this. it just made me really depressed. i txtd her this but i dunno if she got it coz i got no reply. but yeah anyways. it was a apretty low point for me. its the lowest ive been in a while. and to be honest fuck i hated it...
anyways i walked with garmon to darling harbour starbucks and we bought some hot choc and then we went up to the highway and just sat thre for like a hour or so and just had a dnm. it was pretty good hanging with him. it made me think abt alot of stuff but overall it was good. i hadnt it done it for a while with him and it felt good just catching up and talking things out. but yeah andyways at around 7:30 ish we called it a night
and went home.
on the train home i felt more shit
but yeah
ive really got nothing much else to say
that thing that makes me "unique" or "special" is still missing.
i need to find it.
to be whole again.. ( how kinda cheesy)
laters
*title: Your Heart Is An Empty Room - Death Cab For Cutie
Missing Parts
i weird feeling has overcome me lately. started like two days ago while i was on the comp, just started thinking and stuff like "wtf am i doing on the comp, when i could be off doing some other productive thing" it was kinda weird coz richard alias and jackee all told me they had this weird similar feeling to me. anyways just yeah got through the day but just felt a part of me was missing. throughout the past two days ive felt like something isnt there. like the thing that makes me tick or makes me the best person i can be just kinda isnt there. its like when you put batteries in an alarm clock and it doesnt work. or when you shoot a basketball and it just rims out. ive been feeling weird. like not myself. just a piece of me is gone. its like kinda wtf atm. it feels weird coz i need taht thing to just let myself be like normal or fine. its weird but hopefully ill get over it. or itll pass in time.
anyways thats all i really needed to blog about just this weird feeling ive been having.
ill update soon and edit in days to come
till next time.
laters.
Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl?
Are we just friends? Is there more? Is there more?
anyways thats all i really needed to blog about just this weird feeling ive been having.
ill update soon and edit in days to come
till next time.
laters.
Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl?
Are we just friends? Is there more? Is there more?
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Losing Grip
"..Maybe I'm heading for a breakdown
And maybe that's ok
Could be I'm hanging on for dear life
Maybe I need to get a grip.."
ive been facing some inner demons lately..and last night at seans they kinda came out and i lost a grip on things. i regret somethings i did last night, like smoking for example.. i dunno why the fuck i did. but i promise myself i will not ever smoke again. fuck things last night were just so weird. i felt it throughout the start of the party till the end and just before karaoke jsut that feeling of emptiness. i snapped it last night at noritas for the first time in like 5 years or so. and itt was just wtf . im usually one of those guys who are patient but last night i just snapped and it was just sigh..
. i dunno if its depression or just me being emo. i think ive been holding too many things in this week and i just imploded last night and things jsut went off track....
anyways overall seans was an alright party. i thought max 20 ppl were gonna come coz i thought people mightve been wtf at the change of plans and it mightve been dodgyb ut yeah it was a good turnout. alot of random stuff happened like alias just doing random stuff and random comments on alvin. bruce ws pretty dead and yeah. after the party we headed over to norita then karaoke. karaoke was pretty good. alias was a mega tank karaoke guy rapping changes and all these eminem songs and keeping up. fullay good.
after that we just headed home. richard was gonna sleep over but ended up not coz of trackwork. i kinda wish he did. i wanted to have a DNM with someone. kinda wish someone did sleepover but yeah oh wells.. thers always next time..
alot of thoughts are clouding my mind atm so i might as well just blog about them
sorry tash if last night was weird. didnt mean to drag you all that way. you got to meet some people at least. like alias LOL but yeah soz. to me i feel tash is kinda like who i used to be a year back. thinking too much abtt pointless shit and yeah. i think of tash as a younger sister. no disrespect to my sis but i kinda wish i had like a sister same age as tash or maybe a year older. or maybe an older brother. i think id be really tight with them and i d be able to help them with stuff and yeah. if your reading this tash. you make me rect ;) LOLOL but yeah :)
2ndly. sorry margaret if i seemed cold to you. things are just weird. i dont know how to explain it in words but soon enough ill be able to talk to about it.. hopefully. when i saw her yesterday i was like yeah i had butterflies in my stomach. she looked beautiful. cant believe im actually saying this but yeah she did :)
lastly. sorry if i acted weird last night. i jst snapped and shit went down inside. so yeah soz garmon rich chris alias . whoever i let down sorry like srsly. im not gonna do that shit again. its not me. i just hafta pick myself up again and get back into the game. the game of life.
alot of songs kinda show or i kinda feel like i relate to atm
they are
nowhere to go - backstreet boys
crushed - rosette
crush - david archuleta
Whats changed - craig david
fill me in - craig david
theres a mega contrast in some of those songs but yeah.
anywys this blogpost has taken my ages to write dunno what ive been doing
and ive forgotten what imma blog abt more
so ill get back to it later
laters.
And maybe that's ok
Could be I'm hanging on for dear life
Maybe I need to get a grip.."
ive been facing some inner demons lately..and last night at seans they kinda came out and i lost a grip on things. i regret somethings i did last night, like smoking for example.. i dunno why the fuck i did. but i promise myself i will not ever smoke again. fuck things last night were just so weird. i felt it throughout the start of the party till the end and just before karaoke jsut that feeling of emptiness. i snapped it last night at noritas for the first time in like 5 years or so. and itt was just wtf . im usually one of those guys who are patient but last night i just snapped and it was just sigh..
. i dunno if its depression or just me being emo. i think ive been holding too many things in this week and i just imploded last night and things jsut went off track....
anyways overall seans was an alright party. i thought max 20 ppl were gonna come coz i thought people mightve been wtf at the change of plans and it mightve been dodgyb ut yeah it was a good turnout. alot of random stuff happened like alias just doing random stuff and random comments on alvin. bruce ws pretty dead and yeah. after the party we headed over to norita then karaoke. karaoke was pretty good. alias was a mega tank karaoke guy rapping changes and all these eminem songs and keeping up. fullay good.
after that we just headed home. richard was gonna sleep over but ended up not coz of trackwork. i kinda wish he did. i wanted to have a DNM with someone. kinda wish someone did sleepover but yeah oh wells.. thers always next time..
alot of thoughts are clouding my mind atm so i might as well just blog about them
sorry tash if last night was weird. didnt mean to drag you all that way. you got to meet some people at least. like alias LOL but yeah soz. to me i feel tash is kinda like who i used to be a year back. thinking too much abtt pointless shit and yeah. i think of tash as a younger sister. no disrespect to my sis but i kinda wish i had like a sister same age as tash or maybe a year older. or maybe an older brother. i think id be really tight with them and i d be able to help them with stuff and yeah. if your reading this tash. you make me rect ;) LOLOL but yeah :)
2ndly. sorry margaret if i seemed cold to you. things are just weird. i dont know how to explain it in words but soon enough ill be able to talk to about it.. hopefully. when i saw her yesterday i was like yeah i had butterflies in my stomach. she looked beautiful. cant believe im actually saying this but yeah she did :)
lastly. sorry if i acted weird last night. i jst snapped and shit went down inside. so yeah soz garmon rich chris alias . whoever i let down sorry like srsly. im not gonna do that shit again. its not me. i just hafta pick myself up again and get back into the game. the game of life.
alot of songs kinda show or i kinda feel like i relate to atm
they are
nowhere to go - backstreet boys
crushed - rosette
crush - david archuleta
Whats changed - craig david
fill me in - craig david
theres a mega contrast in some of those songs but yeah.
anywys this blogpost has taken my ages to write dunno what ive been doing
and ive forgotten what imma blog abt more
so ill get back to it later
laters.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Francis Adrian Viray Asks:
how am i supposed to feel at this time?
what the fuck is going on?
how do i deal with this and that?
fuck im so confused. i dont know how to feel. all the shit thats been happening lately has been all fucked up. i want to get to the bottom of this but i dont know how to say it or express it. i needta chill or dnm with someone on a very high level.
anwyays snooker today was fun. gotta hang with garmon chris and bill. i smiled truthfully for that two hours i was with them today.
laters.
what the fuck is going on?
how do i deal with this and that?
fuck im so confused. i dont know how to feel. all the shit thats been happening lately has been all fucked up. i want to get to the bottom of this but i dont know how to say it or express it. i needta chill or dnm with someone on a very high level.
anwyays snooker today was fun. gotta hang with garmon chris and bill. i smiled truthfully for that two hours i was with them today.
laters.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends
after watching gintama eps 86/87
i felt really touched after what kondo said
i am really glad that i have friends, the friends i have now i am so happy
theyve gotten me through the tough times
and for that i thank them
laters.
ps. soz garmon for stealing blog title
i felt really touched after what kondo said
i am really glad that i have friends, the friends i have now i am so happy
theyve gotten me through the tough times
and for that i thank them
laters.
ps. soz garmon for stealing blog title
I Dont Trust Myself (With Loving You)
the blog title refers to a song by john mayer which i was just listening too. it many ways its a song that kinda just reflects on me now.
along with David Barnes - Until You but yeah enough about that for now..
just quick update
at the moment im feeling... lost..
its a feeling of emptiness and wtfness but yeah.
im just enjoying my gintama
my love for this anime
has grown immensly
all the characters in it are unique and its making me wanna watch it more and more
.
laters.
along with David Barnes - Until You but yeah enough about that for now..
just quick update
at the moment im feeling... lost..
its a feeling of emptiness and wtfness but yeah.
im just enjoying my gintama
my love for this anime
has grown immensly
all the characters in it are unique and its making me wanna watch it more and more
.
laters.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Gravity
i keep realising that i spend a majority of my time lazing around, everytime i think about it im just like " fuck i needta change" but in the end no change occurs. i needta cut down on my computer use, msn use or just my general fucking around on the computer use. nothing good comes out of it. maybe a few laughs and all from talking to people on msn but still i needta cut down. i waste too much of my life doing unnecessary shit on the computer.
i need to study, apparently mid semester exams are in 3 weeks. 3 weeks of uni have passed by mega quickly and its just wtf. i need to study badly.
anywyas besides that things are okay i guess.
i thought today about how this year has been and its mega alright. on friday i went bball with alias ware bruce richard jeff james ushan alvin roger and david. overall it was a mega fun thing. i liked it a lots. i got to catchup and hang with those guys for like a couple of hours. hopefully we do it every week. coz i enjoyed it heaps. just fking around with the guys and having random convos. its like the best chillout thing.
but yeah that night was pretty good though i suffered many injuries.
i have some back problem. i should really stretch before bball but i never cbf to do so. i jsut play . but yeah i woke up on saturday with my back all sucked up and i could barely walk around. ware said its like your msucles are torn or liek strained. it takes liek a week to heal. no bball =( sad times! but hopefully itll heal quicker. i remmeber the doctor said i have a pretty big pain barrier. hopefully ill be able to deal with this and ill heal quick. if only there were senzu beans...
after having a convo with ctee today. i realised how much ive changed this year. jsut the little things. like i would usually get emo or make a big deal over something but lately ive just been mature over it and jsut kinda been all cool about it. garmon i guess noticed it as well. saying ive grown up liek a sucka. but i feel i have matuerd a bit. and its good i guess. i dont spend time just being an emo sucka i jsut yeah chill and just make things alright. nonetheless i need questions to be answered atm. but thrres always later times for that.
anyways imma head off for now
laters.
Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay
ps i need a laptop and a job. =O
i need to study, apparently mid semester exams are in 3 weeks. 3 weeks of uni have passed by mega quickly and its just wtf. i need to study badly.
anywyas besides that things are okay i guess.
i thought today about how this year has been and its mega alright. on friday i went bball with alias ware bruce richard jeff james ushan alvin roger and david. overall it was a mega fun thing. i liked it a lots. i got to catchup and hang with those guys for like a couple of hours. hopefully we do it every week. coz i enjoyed it heaps. just fking around with the guys and having random convos. its like the best chillout thing.
but yeah that night was pretty good though i suffered many injuries.
i have some back problem. i should really stretch before bball but i never cbf to do so. i jsut play . but yeah i woke up on saturday with my back all sucked up and i could barely walk around. ware said its like your msucles are torn or liek strained. it takes liek a week to heal. no bball =( sad times! but hopefully itll heal quicker. i remmeber the doctor said i have a pretty big pain barrier. hopefully ill be able to deal with this and ill heal quick. if only there were senzu beans...
after having a convo with ctee today. i realised how much ive changed this year. jsut the little things. like i would usually get emo or make a big deal over something but lately ive just been mature over it and jsut kinda been all cool about it. garmon i guess noticed it as well. saying ive grown up liek a sucka. but i feel i have matuerd a bit. and its good i guess. i dont spend time just being an emo sucka i jsut yeah chill and just make things alright. nonetheless i need questions to be answered atm. but thrres always later times for that.
anyways imma head off for now
laters.
Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay
ps i need a laptop and a job. =O
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Inspiration?
after talking to richard this arvo i felt the need to get down to business (I don't got no time to play around, what is this, must be a circus in town, let's shut the shit down on these clowns, can I get a witness, {hell yeah})
deeheh nah but seriously talking to richard this arvo made me set a standard for myself to study up this semester in uni in hope of being able to transfer to uts for business. me and richard made it a pact (or did we?) to atleast try hard and get that transfer. we both realised it takes us like 1 hour and a half to get to uni but yeah if we went to city itd take us like 1 hour less. but yeah i needta start getting down to it and work hard. i really want to transfer to uts or unsw for that matter and having that talk with richard this arvo inspired me to do so more.
unsw started this week and from asking people what they thought i got mixed opinions i got people like ware and sam who dont really like uni and hate the fact of only going there for 4 hours listening to a guy talk then go home while alias and bruce who think its good coz they wanna get down to work and stuff. those were probably my feelings in the first two weeks. kinda mixed. right now im just meh. i feel the urge to study so yeah :)
though i didnt do much today =( i realised i tell people i study but i guess i say that to seem like i am smart. i read the textbooks and over notes and stuff but i guess none of that shit goes to my head. its like reading a book without remembering a detail or what the fuck you read. its the same with richard. i think i mjust still in holiday mode. i still value my sleep so much more i wouldnt mind sleeping all day and just doing something that doesnt require effort. i hate the fact of getting out of bed , its why i set my alarm to 1 hour earlier than i supposed to wake up so i have that hour to just roll around and enjoy the comfyness of my bed. i like the fact of staying up late and just doing random things on the net like chatting. but now i cant really do that from like mon - thursday and its kinda pissing me off. but im getting used to it. im improving i guess. but yeah.
all i did today was watch gintama and fb. gintama is starting to become a favourite anime of mine. its mega random and i just mega lol at it. good times
anyways thats all i really wanted to blog abt
gonna sleep early today since i got 9am start 2mr
till next time
laters.
deeheh nah but seriously talking to richard this arvo made me set a standard for myself to study up this semester in uni in hope of being able to transfer to uts for business. me and richard made it a pact (or did we?) to atleast try hard and get that transfer. we both realised it takes us like 1 hour and a half to get to uni but yeah if we went to city itd take us like 1 hour less. but yeah i needta start getting down to it and work hard. i really want to transfer to uts or unsw for that matter and having that talk with richard this arvo inspired me to do so more.
unsw started this week and from asking people what they thought i got mixed opinions i got people like ware and sam who dont really like uni and hate the fact of only going there for 4 hours listening to a guy talk then go home while alias and bruce who think its good coz they wanna get down to work and stuff. those were probably my feelings in the first two weeks. kinda mixed. right now im just meh. i feel the urge to study so yeah :)
though i didnt do much today =( i realised i tell people i study but i guess i say that to seem like i am smart. i read the textbooks and over notes and stuff but i guess none of that shit goes to my head. its like reading a book without remembering a detail or what the fuck you read. its the same with richard. i think i mjust still in holiday mode. i still value my sleep so much more i wouldnt mind sleeping all day and just doing something that doesnt require effort. i hate the fact of getting out of bed , its why i set my alarm to 1 hour earlier than i supposed to wake up so i have that hour to just roll around and enjoy the comfyness of my bed. i like the fact of staying up late and just doing random things on the net like chatting. but now i cant really do that from like mon - thursday and its kinda pissing me off. but im getting used to it. im improving i guess. but yeah.
all i did today was watch gintama and fb. gintama is starting to become a favourite anime of mine. its mega random and i just mega lol at it. good times
anyways thats all i really wanted to blog abt
gonna sleep early today since i got 9am start 2mr
till next time
laters.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Lucky Day =o
on the 7th of March 2009 i was fully lucky.
just like the song lucky by jason mraz.
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend - garmon dehhe
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ohhhohhhohhhohhohhohhhohh
but yeah i dunno that day was just uber lucky for me. like in poker i was just mega lucky. i dont really remember if it was the 6th of March or 7th but yeah i won like around 50 bucks that day. it was mega wtf. but yeah anyways tht friday i went bball, i played quite shittily at the start then slowly i played better. i need new basketball shoes, also new clothes, fuck theres like a whole list of things i need. but right now i need a job. so i can save up money and get this shiz. anyways margaret came tht day. she didnt stay that long though. barely got to talk but like yeah it was nice seeing her for a short period of time. apparently according to lazy i cockblocked myself. they were telling her to hug me and then i went up with my "wtf" posture and i just held her arm when she was supposedly offering a hug. man wtf LOL but yeah anwyasy had a laugh about that. after a while we started headed off everyone was kinda tired with bball then yeah decided what to do. me lazy femo steve sean ended up going femos whilejames alias went home and ware bond and liu je went to that TSA ( taiwan club) bbq at uts i think.
when we got to femos watched a bit of how i met your mother and just chilled for a bit. femo forced me to play ff7 dirge of cerberus. from playing it, i realised im mega noob at first person shooter games. im jsut not coordinated enough to move while adjusting my crosshair. mega random and if i do pwn its just luck or something. but anywyas after failing at playing i gave the controller to femo and he finished his game. i gotta admit it has mega tank mv graphics but besides that the normal graphhics for the game were quite dissapointing. but anyways after that i got on femos comp and played a game of dota. after all taht sean went home and me lazy and femo chilled. chris then came and we hung out a bit more at femos. i ate some soup and yeah. after that headed to hursti outside the parking lot of the club and just hung out with chris femo lazy until bond ware and roger came. after they came we just bummed then went to poker at campsie.
it took a while for our game to start up. we got there pretty late like at 11 or something. and yeah watched philip andh is friends played. some curry guy won. he was kinda seedy and shifty but anyways after they left we started playing. in the game was me roger james lazy philip erwin $5 buy in. the game got under way and yeah
*the following part of this blog is about poker so yeah some terms you might not understand*
after a few hands i was kinda like short stacked or like in the middle so yeah. then in this one hand i got pocket aces. i checked then everyone folded cept roger. he raised. then i raised then he went all in then i went all in. turned over he had K J. the flop was 9 10 J Q he was like up at that time then a K came out and i won the pot with a straight to A. pretty random but yeah that was pretty gold. i owned him. fkn sucka anwayys after a while yeah i was kinda owning :S i kept getting good hands and hitting on the flop then yeah i won like $45 =o pretty gold. then yeah james lazy and bond went home and chris and ware went home a bit earlier.
*finish*
anyways after htat it was like me philip roger and erwin left. we were like stoned but roger was pissed coz he didnt win poker so like we justp layed all these random games like caribean stud and pontoon and big 2 for money. we played for quite a while then yeah it wasl ike 5:30 and erwin suggested we eat brekkie. iwas like wtf what stores would be opne at this time but this chinese store was open up the road. so philip closed up and we walked up. they had mega niec food. i had some beef egg with rice MAN SO GOOD!. but yeah talked for a bit then erwin left to walk home so me philip and roger walked to the bus stop. once we got there said our goodbyes to philip then realised our bus came like in half a hour. me and roger just reminisced abt high school. kinda got me missing those times of just hanging in the bball courts and fking around in english and maths with garmon and stuff. good times. then roger suggested i get a scratchy. i did and i like won $6. this was like the first one i bought. mega lucky times but yeah. then the bus came and we got on. i got home at around like 7am, i decide txted margaret abt my epic day then went to bed.
so that was like my friday/saturday.
nothings happend since then ive been like playing poker on fb with bobby and i finally got to like 500k. epic times. but yeah basically been lazing around. my saturday was mostly spent with me stoned and out of it. and yeah today i just went over some shit and yeah.
:)
in other agendas overall i feel im dealing with things okay now. i got stuff off my chest and im kinda happy? i dunno well im content? or satiated ? LOL (all these terms are from neopets when theyre hungry) but yeah i guess im alright for now. its a good feeling and yeah :)
also after like a couple of months when garmon first asked me to watch gintama i finally got around to watching it last night. and my impression of it was it was a mega good anime. mega random but i fully like it. i should get it off garmon but yeah. otae san <3 it kinda inspired me to grow hijikata hair. it wasl ike my old hair till i cut it but yes :) the anime made me nostalgic so s'all good.
anywyas imma head off to shower now
till next time
laters.
just like the song lucky by jason mraz.
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend - garmon dehhe
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ohhhohhhohhhohhohhohhhohh
but yeah i dunno that day was just uber lucky for me. like in poker i was just mega lucky. i dont really remember if it was the 6th of March or 7th but yeah i won like around 50 bucks that day. it was mega wtf. but yeah anyways tht friday i went bball, i played quite shittily at the start then slowly i played better. i need new basketball shoes, also new clothes, fuck theres like a whole list of things i need. but right now i need a job. so i can save up money and get this shiz. anyways margaret came tht day. she didnt stay that long though. barely got to talk but like yeah it was nice seeing her for a short period of time. apparently according to lazy i cockblocked myself. they were telling her to hug me and then i went up with my "wtf" posture and i just held her arm when she was supposedly offering a hug. man wtf LOL but yeah anwyasy had a laugh about that. after a while we started headed off everyone was kinda tired with bball then yeah decided what to do. me lazy femo steve sean ended up going femos whilejames alias went home and ware bond and liu je went to that TSA ( taiwan club) bbq at uts i think.
when we got to femos watched a bit of how i met your mother and just chilled for a bit. femo forced me to play ff7 dirge of cerberus. from playing it, i realised im mega noob at first person shooter games. im jsut not coordinated enough to move while adjusting my crosshair. mega random and if i do pwn its just luck or something. but anywyas after failing at playing i gave the controller to femo and he finished his game. i gotta admit it has mega tank mv graphics but besides that the normal graphhics for the game were quite dissapointing. but anyways after that i got on femos comp and played a game of dota. after all taht sean went home and me lazy and femo chilled. chris then came and we hung out a bit more at femos. i ate some soup and yeah. after that headed to hursti outside the parking lot of the club and just hung out with chris femo lazy until bond ware and roger came. after they came we just bummed then went to poker at campsie.
it took a while for our game to start up. we got there pretty late like at 11 or something. and yeah watched philip andh is friends played. some curry guy won. he was kinda seedy and shifty but anyways after they left we started playing. in the game was me roger james lazy philip erwin $5 buy in. the game got under way and yeah
*the following part of this blog is about poker so yeah some terms you might not understand*
after a few hands i was kinda like short stacked or like in the middle so yeah. then in this one hand i got pocket aces. i checked then everyone folded cept roger. he raised. then i raised then he went all in then i went all in. turned over he had K J. the flop was 9 10 J Q he was like up at that time then a K came out and i won the pot with a straight to A. pretty random but yeah that was pretty gold. i owned him. fkn sucka anwayys after a while yeah i was kinda owning :S i kept getting good hands and hitting on the flop then yeah i won like $45 =o pretty gold. then yeah james lazy and bond went home and chris and ware went home a bit earlier.
*finish*
anyways after htat it was like me philip roger and erwin left. we were like stoned but roger was pissed coz he didnt win poker so like we justp layed all these random games like caribean stud and pontoon and big 2 for money. we played for quite a while then yeah it wasl ike 5:30 and erwin suggested we eat brekkie. iwas like wtf what stores would be opne at this time but this chinese store was open up the road. so philip closed up and we walked up. they had mega niec food. i had some beef egg with rice MAN SO GOOD!. but yeah talked for a bit then erwin left to walk home so me philip and roger walked to the bus stop. once we got there said our goodbyes to philip then realised our bus came like in half a hour. me and roger just reminisced abt high school. kinda got me missing those times of just hanging in the bball courts and fking around in english and maths with garmon and stuff. good times. then roger suggested i get a scratchy. i did and i like won $6. this was like the first one i bought. mega lucky times but yeah. then the bus came and we got on. i got home at around like 7am, i decide txted margaret abt my epic day then went to bed.
so that was like my friday/saturday.
nothings happend since then ive been like playing poker on fb with bobby and i finally got to like 500k. epic times. but yeah basically been lazing around. my saturday was mostly spent with me stoned and out of it. and yeah today i just went over some shit and yeah.
:)
in other agendas overall i feel im dealing with things okay now. i got stuff off my chest and im kinda happy? i dunno well im content? or satiated ? LOL (all these terms are from neopets when theyre hungry) but yeah i guess im alright for now. its a good feeling and yeah :)
also after like a couple of months when garmon first asked me to watch gintama i finally got around to watching it last night. and my impression of it was it was a mega good anime. mega random but i fully like it. i should get it off garmon but yeah. otae san <3 it kinda inspired me to grow hijikata hair. it wasl ike my old hair till i cut it but yes :) the anime made me nostalgic so s'all good.
anywyas imma head off to shower now
till next time
laters.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Weight Of The World..
i feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders.. no i am not a superhero but lately stress or some other cause which i dont know has gotten the better of me. its making me feel shit and i dunno how to stop it.
Garmon Weng wrote at 2:50pm
stop feeling sorry about yourself and study hard man
if you want to ace this course you gotta think posititve
what garmon said is right. i think i am feeling sorry for myself. just fuck i dont know i feel so shit. STRESS, its affecting my mental and physical wellbeing. fuck i hafta get over this but i dont know how to.
i had one of those days again. where i would think endlessly for like a minute which would then turn out to be a hour. at church today the quietness and the sermon kinda got to me and made me think. "mind the gap" was the saying that was used today during the homily (i think its called =S) where the priest talks time to talk about issues and stuff. on the overhead it said something like " keeping busy stops you from noticing the gap, the gap of what you are now and the gap you want to be" the mind the gap thing comes f rom the trains and how you hafta watch out or youll fall into it. it kinda got to me coz right now i think im falling to that gap. not really knowing what to do im kinda just forcing myself to spiral down. i need someone to like slap me or pour wter in my face. i gotta get back to postiveness and stop this emoness. its fken bad. i especialy dont get how i notice how shit its feeling me and how im trying to make things work but my mind just makes me think otherwise. i nearly cried at church today. i gotta stop this
ARGH!@!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that was like an emotional breakdown. i guess venting helps but i rkn itll come back just that feeling i get everytime i think. i wish i just didnt think about things. but then again that would be a shit thing.
i really really really need to hang with someone and have a proper conversation about life and all that. msn is okay and phonecalls but theyre not giving me the satisfaction i need? or just the pleasure of being at ease. the conversations i have on msn are fine but they seem restricting....
i really wish this week will turn out alright. just hope i can ADAPT to things. everyones scared of change maybe thats what im really scared of now. just this whole uni life. wtf is wrong with me =/
music helps now though just listening to the right songs kinda makes me feel a bit better. dreaming with a broken heart seems to kinda get to me though. so does the chorus to hallies song by eminem. i realised the last week on the journey to and from uni i did not use my ipod. which i find kind of weird. eveyrthings gettting to me..
anyways imma call it a night
gotta wake up early for uni
wish me luck on a better week
laters.
ps. sorry if i sound like an emo bitch fucker. but fuck i dunno how else to say it.
if you want to ace this course you gotta think posititve
what garmon said is right. i think i am feeling sorry for myself. just fuck i dont know i feel so shit. STRESS, its affecting my mental and physical wellbeing. fuck i hafta get over this but i dont know how to.
i had one of those days again. where i would think endlessly for like a minute which would then turn out to be a hour. at church today the quietness and the sermon kinda got to me and made me think. "mind the gap" was the saying that was used today during the homily (i think its called =S) where the priest talks time to talk about issues and stuff. on the overhead it said something like " keeping busy stops you from noticing the gap, the gap of what you are now and the gap you want to be" the mind the gap thing comes f rom the trains and how you hafta watch out or youll fall into it. it kinda got to me coz right now i think im falling to that gap. not really knowing what to do im kinda just forcing myself to spiral down. i need someone to like slap me or pour wter in my face. i gotta get back to postiveness and stop this emoness. its fken bad. i especialy dont get how i notice how shit its feeling me and how im trying to make things work but my mind just makes me think otherwise. i nearly cried at church today. i gotta stop this
ARGH!@!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that was like an emotional breakdown. i guess venting helps but i rkn itll come back just that feeling i get everytime i think. i wish i just didnt think about things. but then again that would be a shit thing.
i really really really need to hang with someone and have a proper conversation about life and all that. msn is okay and phonecalls but theyre not giving me the satisfaction i need? or just the pleasure of being at ease. the conversations i have on msn are fine but they seem restricting....
i really wish this week will turn out alright. just hope i can ADAPT to things. everyones scared of change maybe thats what im really scared of now. just this whole uni life. wtf is wrong with me =/
music helps now though just listening to the right songs kinda makes me feel a bit better. dreaming with a broken heart seems to kinda get to me though. so does the chorus to hallies song by eminem. i realised the last week on the journey to and from uni i did not use my ipod. which i find kind of weird. eveyrthings gettting to me..
anyways imma call it a night
gotta wake up early for uni
wish me luck on a better week
laters.
ps. sorry if i sound like an emo bitch fucker. but fuck i dunno how else to say it.
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