Re; わたしは、あなたが大嫌いです

as it is.

Best Days

they say the best days of your life are those that you have in high school, i believe that is in fact that quote is true at this point in time, as today we finally graduated from high school, sigh sad times but also good times just reflecting.. lets go through my day, woke up at like 7:30 took a shower , wore my loved long sleeve shirt, my school pants and my beloved school jumper, got a lift to school with my dad, he wished me well in my studies and i must thank him for all the times hes helped me get to school over the years but yeah after i got to school first person i saw was jeff, made our ways to the breakfast and met up with the kr3w started taking luvos and photos etc. good times.

then time flew by and we all lined up, as i nervously waited for my name to be called up and not wanting to stack it on the stairs, but finally my name was called up and i shook francis's hand and the principals hand and made it down the stairs and back to my seat. after everyones names were called up we listened to many speeches, one speech in particular made me think. as francis,(the other one) made his speech it made me ponder alot about the years that have gone by, i nearly felt like crying but i had to man up and yeah i didnt rofl, as i looked through the year book as well just seeing old photos, just reminded me of all the funny times we had at tech. sigh even though tech in general is a shit school, ill ALWAYS miss the good times and fun times we had, and to any tech 08 guys that are reading this right now IM GONNA MISS YOU ALL, but hopefully ill see you in the holidays :D
but yeah TECH PRIDE =D

anyways after assembly went to meet up with the suckas and made a party quest to the buffet, we suffered many setbacks on the way like not catching the same train, and many dilemmas that we encountered just like the slime king pq LOL, (referring to femos dilemma) we orginially planned to go to star city buffet, but some of us were short on time so we decided to go pizza hut buffet, but first went to ct hunta to play some supposed cod4, but when we got there little did we know ct hunta was gonna shifty us..

well they did, fckn shit comps didnt load cod4 i was pretty angry for like 10mins wanted to punch the screeen, ended up not and just went into the rooms to pay extra, and played dota instead, overall it was alright since i won a game but yeah alright times at ct hunta. anywayz after ct hunta we all headed to pizza hut buffet, i ate a shitload of food, i think i ate it all too quickly though coz after we finished i could barely walk, but yeah alot of funny moments happened at pizza hut hanging with garmon and chris, talking about all these theories and quesionts like " would you suck your own dick if you could ?" " if i paid you a billion dollars to eat a shit in the shape of a snickers would you eat it ? " LOL shit like that, but one joke or whatever in particualr made me die in laughter: THE KENNY THEORY, chris was talking about if kenny was having sex and when he takes off his pants, he just has like a huge black dick, like LOL wtf but yeah then he told us like if ken was crossing his legs and he got an erection his dick would show like crawl through his pants LOL ah gold its better if you were there but yeah goldest times LOL anyways after pizza hut we followed lease garmon jackee and james so they could pay for theyre jap trip, sigh imma miss them when theyre gone, you suckas better email me and get me something and when you come back we should party like suckas. anyways after they finished payin, people left like ware, willy and jackee hadto go tutor and david had another quest to finish,(the quest into the 2u chicks pussy) anyways after they departed seperate ways the crew that was left was me garmon chris leith revo jeff and lazy. we headed to maccas were we encoutred sam, said hi and stuff, (we went to maccas to meet up with bond) as per usual bond was late and yeah when he came chris suddenly disappeared to karaoke so we just went to ct hunta to play cod4, and as usual saber aka leith fucken pwnt along with garmon and moccha ( raymond) damn cod4 suckas with pro reaction times that pwnt me but anyways the first game i did alright but afterwards i just got fucked over, fucken flashbang grenades and stun grenades fully fucked me over, i felt motion sick afterwards... but anyways eventually the fobs came along with dong noel alias etc and yeah we finished at ct hunta, as i felt sick and not bothered to waste money i went home, said goodbye to those guys and yeah, went with leith garmon and jeff back to central then said our goodbyes are we parted ways.

then when i got on the train thats when the sadness came, thought about all the past years, sigh gonna miss the times at tech =( all the fun bball games, all the gay moments EVERYTHING AT TECH THE GOOD TIMES sigh guys imma miss you all, but for those who im gonna keep in touch with after everythings finished, i love you all :D
ehehe

anyways nothing much else to say, that was my last day of formal schooling ever*edits* ROFL and yeah apparently i won an award at the luncheon that i forgot my sceience homework and took a train to zigzag by accident ( thanks to pat for the quotes) , but sigh im gonna miss everything * feels sad* hmms i took alotta photos today and i uploaded them onto a zip file on rapidshare, heres the link if you want to see the photos i took:

http://rapidshare.com/files/148541012/Graduation.zip.html

well imma upload the photo which when i saw just made me smile and laugh and jsut feel good overall.












LOL JOKES... SCROLL DOWN!!




.......................................






ASHFORD ACADEMY CREW, I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS *cries*

sigh really glad that i got to know all of you guys this year, pat, fong, jackee, david, leith, garmon and jeff i love you all <3..(OMG sucha happy photo *tears up*)

anyways.
till next time

LIVE ON!

laters.

Grad..... wait for it.. uation

rofl at my title, ahh how i met your mother, inspiring me these days so much
ANYWAYS as the title says graduation.. 2mr... cant believe that school is actually coming to an end. its gone so fast its been hard to keep up with whats been happening. the last week of school has been pretty eventful for me NOT LOL basically spent it in the cottage playing dota and shit.
we had muck up day today and yesterday, pretty gold shit happening. i cant really be fucked explaining everything but basically played dota all of wednesday then had muck up photo, saw froggys er.. yeah rofl pretty funny though seeing everyone dressed up. the AFA krew didnt dress up, and i well.. dressed up as francis :D but yeah nothing else much happened that day

then today.. GOLDEN.. awesome shit.. well as usual started off with dota. i kinda got bored of it so i went to play bball, gah i suck so much now, so unfit and not in it. must get back into it soon. well soon meaning after hsc.. fuck theres still that to worry about LOL but yeah after going to play bball and some rugby, me jeff david , the three amigos continued our journey back to the cottage. and on the way david grabbed some ass LOL pretty funny though, coz when he did grab ass he got pwnt. unlucky man, grabbed a leb guys ass and got pwnt to the floor and kicked a couple of times but yes pretty gold LOL anyways got back into the cottage had a bbq, played more dota lawl then waterbombed some kids.. anyways i got changed.. ill come back to this....
anyways after we were let off went to st.george and drove arnd. so gold though waiting at the pedestrians and just revving up the car scaring of juniors did it around like 5 times then drove to hursti to eat... then i realised after eating after going through my bags I FUCKEN FORGOT MY PANTS AT SCHOOL so yeah journeyed back with john and james back to skl got my pants and got a lift home. pretty eventful day today but sigh cant believe school is ending =( had alot of memories at tech.. gay ones, but yeah im gonna miss you all *cries*

anyways 2mr is actual graduation, im bringing my camera so get ready for some hardcore fucken luvos so yeah, fuck im gonna cry at graduation, well hopefully not but yeah cant wait :D
got a big day planned out 2mr graduation, buffet, dota, cod4 then maybe dinner and alki LOL
but yeah sigh !

hmms lately ive been kinda i dunno, along with the many laughs ive had watching how i met your mother, theres been something missing, and i know what it is, but i just cant face it. but yeah i guess ill hafta deal with it soon hopefully.. its kind of killing me and eating at me inside but sigh.

FUCK HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER IS GOLD.
seriously. you guys should watch it. its so gold so many.. OMG JUST WATCH IT

anyways im off to watch more how i met your mother
till next time suckas

laters.

Never Back Down

i woke up today, with a sense of postiveness ( is that even a word? i dont think so coz as im blogging atm the red stuff is appearing underneath it, oh wells another word to add to the francis jargon dictionary NICE!) anyways yeah i woke up feeling positive and happy, im not sure whether it was the weather or coz the fact that i watched never back down last night and it kinda got me in a good mood, or maybe coz i ... nah nvm XD

nah actually its coz the fact through intense brainstorming and thinking last night and this morning, a big weight got lifted off my chest ( is that a good analogy or the right one? ) but yeah though its funny coz i woke up late. like 7.44am late when i usually wake up at 7am, after a rush of getting in and out of the shower i managed to get to padstow station with 1minute left till the normal train, the train i catch with clare that loser.

the day went by pretty randomly. i remember talking to david a few nights back and him telling me that i was a " go wif da flow " kinda guy ( his exact fob words) but yeah i guess i am, i did stuff randomly with the flow today it was pretty intense and fun, though pretty tiring, i adventured with garmon to green square to buy lizi's present ( and no not coz its clares favourite colour LOL) anyways yeah pretty tiring shit, my muscles have been aching since mishjeffs party which might i add was a pretty god dam good bbq

thanks mishjeff for the bbq, pretty good shit and good times, now its time to study >< style="font-weight: bold;">russian roulette [SUCK `08] says (21:40):
you are laid back, but when you decide to hang onto something, you swim upstream

for privacy purposes and not to be raged at, i will not reveal who said this. but nonetheless its a good analogy
the swimming upstream bit kinda contributes to the go wif the flow thing but yeah =)

anyways i got nothing else to blog abt for now..... *suspense*
OMFG NEVER BACK DOWN, i forgot man that movie was so tank, imma use it for my related text for physical journeys ITS SO GOOD
AMBER HEARD * DROOLS*
SEAN FARIS *DROOLS*
ah good times, pretty good movie, even though it ended abruptly, pretty inspirational
so yes
FUCKEN WATCH IT
AND OMFG CODE GEASS GOOD EPISODE FUCK CANT WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1@!@!@!!@!@@@!@!@

anyways crime has gone astray once again ( gAH!)
needta save the world once again

yours truly,
ANONYMOUS (thank you kylie and cb69 for correct spelling)( fuck did i spell it right?) LOL

laters.

Slow Dancing In a Burning Room

its 10:54, currently i am blogging

lol sorry randomness. today was pretty random i guess, i went to school for basketball only ? i dont know all i remember is getting to school and playing bball the whole day, then when it came to game time, i got pwnt. stamina wise. i managed to score 6 points out of or measly total of like 14 but yeah. we lost but meh i was kind of emo but also like got over it, i guess it just wasnt our day, and i accepted it on the spot. quite funny though watching the other A team play. damn alias and his funny antics. love that guy.

i tried the stack burger from hungry jacks today ( i was about to write burger king, god damn my americaness... ) hhaha went with bondy, we were gonna get a quad stack ended up getting a triple stack since me and bond were being asian and cheap and pussy, when we got the burger it wasnt as big as i thought. it was finishable. i wish i bought a quad stack. but yeah though it felt weird feeling the burger chow down my throat and through my body, i could feel it through my heart so like hard to digest but yeah. it was worth eating =)

i remember listening to a song on the bus this morning let me remember.....
OH YEAH

COME BACK DOWN - LIFEHOUSE

just listening to that song over and over again, the lyrics just applied to me alot.

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, that you are tired
Carrying the ones you lost
A picture frame with all the thoughts
I know, you hold inside

I hope that you can find your way back
To the place where you belong

You're coming back down
You say you feel lost can I help you find it
When you come around
From time to time we all are blinded
You're coming back down
You don't have to tell me what you're feeling
I know what you're going through

as usual just italicing and bolding all the lyrics that just apply to me. sigh how far ive come. hmms this week has been pretty up and down. grandma getting cataracts removed and my sister suddenyl waking up in the middle of the night crying of pain. ive been trying to smile alot lately( fake smiling? i dont know.. ) i just want everyone else around to be happy. i remember along time ago sam telling me to smile more. or something and remember saying that i should smile more coz girls think its cute XD, but its gotta be honest. i wish i could get through these tough times.

my to do list:

• lol i dont know what to write.

that was pretty pointless but anyways everyone should listen to
SLOW DANCING IN A BURNING ROOM - JOHN MAYER
im in love with that song atm

anyways off to save the world
or take over it ( lelouche =d)

laters.

Dear Diary,

i have yet to find my peyton sawyer. i thought i did this year. i guess i was wrong.
i gave my heart willingly to new people this year, on both times they let my heart drop and shatter.
sigh.

T.H. White said: Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return.

Definitions of love on the Web:

a strong positive emotion of regard and affection;

any object of warm affection or devotion;

have a great affection or liking for

love; i define it as to give your heart willingly to someone, to care about them, to protect them from anything, basically to show how much you truly "love" them. but yeah but in my honest opinion its hard to define love coz people have different defintions on it, like whatt are your defintions of love?

as i sat there in church today looking around, i couldnt find yoo in the crowd. that kinda sucked but yeah, as i sat there, i thought about what i did today, i woke up at like 1pm and that was wtf. i didnt even sleep that late. basically i wasted a whole day sleeping but yeah after taking a while getting out of bed, i finally got up and did shit, i played some dota, and did some good maths study, so for that i feel good but yeah, then had church at 6, ahh church so silent and peaceful. for the times i go i cherish it, coz it gives you a place to think, like and your not judged by any of the people there. church is basically the place i go to when i need that solitude and silence. it feels good and yeah. i prayed for alot of things today, i dont expect god to grant what i asked of him, but i hope he got the messages and yeah.

hmms im not really sure of where im at atm. i feel shit but yeah.. hmms i kinda feel more shitt coz i dont know whats up with my grandma =( been listening to what my parents have been saying these past few days, apparently shes having some sort of surgery on her cataracts? i dont know ><><

HAPPY FATHERS DAY btw =)
gotta thank my dad for everythings hes done for me lately.

anyways im off to save the world
..yet again

laters.

The Road To Redemption

redemption:

1. to redeem something that was once sold.
2. (theology) the act of delivering from sin or saving from evil.
   

those are the definitions that when i googled in redemption came up.

my definition of redemption. to claim back once you had. to show, to prove and to work hard for something that once was lost and to get it back. somewhere along the way this month, i lost my way, ive acted out of nature, too many things have happened i just needta get back on track. i have to walk back on that road and redeem myself.
but yeah its gonna be a long road, but im willing to do what ever it takes to get back on track.

anyways i was supposed to write this blog but i was caught up in alot of things. driving arnd, playing dota, watching so you think you can dance, making some time for study? and sleeping and eating and yeah its been hectic tonight... well not really, just i dunno it feels like this night has dragged on and its liek 4am in the morning but yeah nonetheless i think i should sleep soon..

pretty tiring day today, woke up early to catch the train with someone, since i asked around to see if she had an early period. got to the station. no one was there. i looked up and down the platform but nowhere to be seen. i was pretty disappointed and felt pretty emotional, i dunno why i jsut felt cut, and now thinking about it, i dont know if thers gonna be light at the end of the tunnel. debbie said to be optimistic, but i dont know how since it seems like the odds are against me. i just dont know how to do this ARGH!!!?@!?@!??@!!@? fuck i feel like breaking down...

anyways continuing on,i had 3 full periods(wednedsday 60minute ones ) they werent that badd. pretty funny in maths with ms saha or ms sakata ? lol.. but yeah shes so wtf. like say event right goddamit ! dont be like " evened" but yeah after that rollcall then went to pdhpe, i dunno why but ive found pdhpe kinda boring. ive wanted to jig it the whole time, but lately its gotten interesting. i guess our teacher is being more laid back and including me more in class discussions pretty funny lesson today we did jack shit just basically talked and debated about topics overall i enjoyed it and yeah me and richard were playing some rib shot battles pretty funny but yeah.
after that was recess nothing much happend i cant even remember what i did at recess oh yeah i think i went to gym im not sure =(
2nd period was business. god that was gay, mr roper coming up to me telling me about my shit marks. sigh sucha shit feeling that lesson. felt shit that whole time, esp when it came to him reading out ranks and marks FFS FUCK HSC!@!@!@#! !SAD ASD A ( wow i wrote sad..)
but yeah nonetheless mr roper is a good bloke he gave me his study guide so i can use it and yeah all good. (note: get the link to the case studies from vikram)
anyways after 3 full periods of school on a sport day, it was time... for some fucken basketball
fuck i was so pumped. thought the build up before it was cool. just chilling with david and jeff talking about code geass and dota. good timse with those guys. fully respect them and yeah cool guys but yeah after a while of shooting arnd and chilling. bball time.
SYD TECH VS KOGARAH HIGH
i dunno the game was pretty random. not much scoring. it was pretty tight in the first half we were either up by 1 or down by 1 i guess its coz we were rusty but i was happy i scored like 6 points in that quarter and got like an assist and rebound. then yeah. after halftime is when we started to dominate. but fuck the ref was so fucking shit, didnt call jack shit. and when we raged him he raged us. lol bond raged him though to the max. also raged the other team. but yeah we pulled away in the 2nd quarter ending up scoring like 6 points again total of 12 =D but yeah kogarah were silenced :D i was pretty aggro in that game though sigh must control my emotions =/ but yeah i dont usually do that i think its just with everythings thats happened just yeah =/ but yeah after the game we won and celebrated with dota. not all that satisfied but meh then caught the bus with roger home, had an interesting chat. found out somethings and pwnt. then got home and slept till 7. then got up doing the usuall stuff just watching tv and stuff after a while though i started thinking then yeah needed to get out of the house so took a walk. ended up to a familiar place. sigh just standing out there thinking made me all emotional. no matter how stalker it soudns =/ but yeah after that walked back home watched so you think you can dance then yeah here i am blogging.

hmms ive been watching code geass lately. its a tank anime. i like it. esp the characters in it. theyre all so good and pro and yeah. esp lelouche. i dunno i can relate to him in some ways just how deep he is and how he can be so serious at times but i dunno if your reading this blog and watch code geass leave a comment on who you think the character from code geass i am most likely am and yeah =). i recommend you guys to watch the anime its pro.

anyways on the train ride in the morning i was listening to my ipod since the person that i wantd to be there wasnt and yeah just listening to all we are by onerepublic and just listening and thinking abt the lyrics got to me.

I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong

Black and white didn't fit you
And all along, you were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything that I need just to make it
Lord knows I'll fail you time and again,
But you and me we're alright

We won't say our goodbyes you know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, our love is at a bind

I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would've fit
I figured there's nothing to lose
I need to get some perspective on these words before I write them down
You're an island and my ship is running ground

the lines in the song ill bold and italic them, they all relate to me now. in a certain way. like these lines all of hidden meanings. and yeah. the line i need to get some perspective on these words really gets to me . coz i do need perspective on whats happening. whats changed. whats going on. so plz just dont shut me out. i need to know everything. i need to know your side, to be able to fix this. if your out ther i just hope your reading this blog and just find it in your heart to meet me halfway here, i jsut dont wanna get shut out, just wanna know how things are, ive said this heaps in my last few blogs but i just wanna know how things are i want to sort it out and yeah..just talk to me ..but yeah hope things go well =/

all we are by onerepublic. download that shit

anyways what a pretty long blog and a pretty long day and what a pretty long dick ( refers to mine, sorry garmon influences). i cant remember a time where ive recounted my day in depth. and its suprising coz i actually remember wht happened in my day. i usually forget and yeah. enjoi.

anyways im off to save the world. ( bringing back the old times)

francium v-rays xox ( gossip girl influence)
karen ftw! ( code geass reference)

Its Game Time

Nathan: Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself; to do a little more, to show you're something special. Something like this.... Lucas is gone but that doesn't mean the season is over. As a matter of fact, I say it's just beginning. You might want to stay out of my way for a while.... Life's funny sometimes; can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it pushing back.

god nathan scott and his tank one tree hill quotes, never knew this one was so long, but yeah i like it =) and yeah it is game time, since 2mr bball is on and yeah i cant wait. theres too things in my life that get me through tough times, music and basketball. basketball is like my place where i escape from reality, when im on the court playing in those 40mins of the game nothing else matters except the game. i gotta step it up 2mr, cant wait to get back on the court, in a full court game. after talking to bruce and ware in a grp convo of some schools we wanna challenge i feel pumped to just get out there and bball. so pumped just wanna put my all into it and pwn just like bruce said " FIGHT ON BOYS"

anyways today was strike day, we were supposed to have school at 10:45 but i cbf going so yeah i slept all day, watched code geass and played dota, i needed one of these days to chillax. but nonetheless i thought about things ALOT and yeah just thinking abt it all like yeah..my state of mind is still like =/ but im getting through it i hope ><, (i wonder though if you read this blog) but yeah if you do, i HAVENT blocked you and im NOT barring you, ive just been hiding out, just like batman when he retreats to his batcave. his fortress of solitude, but yeah i just need time to think and yeah i think today really helped, ACCEPTANCE.

Nathan: (voiceover) Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love,when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it pushing back.. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.

gahhhh im so pumped for bball 2mr its just that feeling of wanting to get out on the court. god i love that feeling. and god i love that game.i cant waitt hmms i dont really know what else to say. i remember garmon once told me "your the only person im willing to change for okay ,its gay telling you this shit but it must be said" it made me think about who im willing to change for. and i could think of a few ppl. one being garmon ( obviously) and the other being yoo. but yeah enough said.

Nathan: You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it. God, I love this game.

i like that quote i just quote just then very much. i read over it today and think about how much it relates to me at this certain point in time. just makes me realise like in the previous blog how people can sometimes lose theyre way and its a long road back. you dont realise it till the damage has been done but when it has you realise whats been done but yeah. i havent been the ideal friend lately but im willing to change that. (8) ill do whatever it takes to turn this around...
(god i wish i knew how to put shit in my blog)

"now listen to me,when you step out on the floor, take it all in it,because yor gonna look back on it and want it all again when you do make sure its for the right reasons, win or lose leave it all on the floor" - Whitey Durham

nice end to a blog. its a quote from one tree hill abt bball sigh i love bball

laters.

whats hidden behind the mask

"false smiles are capable of hurting one's self"

flatline.....

Rosalee: Pete. Pete.
Angelica: Not Pete.
Rosalee: Wow.
Angelica: I'm just here because Pete asked me to box up some stuff.
Rosalee: Why? Where's he going?
Rosalee: Richmond.
Angelica: And he isn't going.
Angelica: He's gone.
Rosalee: He's gone to Richmond?
Rosalee:Why?
Angelica:I cannot believe I am taking my work home with me.
Angelica: When great love is rejected, Rosalee,something inside a man dies.
Angelica: So all he can do is run away,
Angelica: where he can meet the girl he'll love second most.
Rosalee: Unless...
Rosalee: Unless what?
Angelica: Unless you can get to himbefore he closes the book on you.
Angelica: But once it's closed, it's closed.
Angelica:lt's finished. lt's gone, dead.
Angelica:lt's crushed. lt's beaten. lt's buried.
Angelica: It is lost for all of time in a sea...
Rosalee: Angelica.
Angelica: OK, yeah.
Rosalee: I owe you.
Angelica: Go.

if you havent realised this is a scene from win a date with tad hamilton. pretty good movie however faggy that may sound but yea i quoted that part of the movie coz i guess i just need to get a point across. like for those out there reading this blog dont let things get all fucked up, show the person you really care about that you do care dont fall in an endless spiral and let the book be closed on you, coz its the shittest feeling. just show that you do care coz in the end even the littlest of things can mean the most. but yeah

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours.

- Ayn Rand

hmms today wasnt really that good for me. morning kinda really cut me . ive been carrying on like a ghost, just real shit feeling when you can feel that you want to cry but tears dont come out. but yeah . depression.hmms "it seems like the more we get closer the more things get fucked up." i dont get it though, we havent really gotten much more closer in the past few weeks, just times have gotten shitter, its my badd for overthinking, being insecure. but that comes with stress and everything but i dont know if you understand that but yeah, the thing is during times like these we gotta pull through like we are best friends ( well i still think so..) we should just be able to talk about it all, everything just right now, lay it on the table, just dont shut me out...

Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"

Lucas: Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small , like when we do a bad thing, for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret, because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes we bury our regret, by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did... but the things we didn't do. The things we didn't say that could save someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way

but yeah i jsut dont get how things got this way " things have changed too much for me" what has changed? talk to me about, dont shut me out, if you are reading this plz just speak out to me, i really need it right now...just help me see how things are, i just dont want this happening between us its just killing me insisde..

Stephen King once wrote: Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness. And sometimes we lose them there again.

hmms alot of things also happened tonight, its funny how you can find out abt people snitching and bitching behind your back, its like a 6th sense or something but you can tell and yeah. frankly i dont have tolerance nor do i give a shit about people who fail to see both sides of the story like just bitch abt it coz you think this and think that, like bitch all you want and plan shit against me, but god help you when you guys when you get fucked over for your actions. theres like my paragraph of anger in this blog.

i had more to write about but i spent time doing other stuff and forgot about it. i think ill remember soon...and yeah ive included alot of quotes in this blog, all from past posts, but yeah i put them in there coz they relate to certain things, you just gotta think about them and yeah.

ive been wondering for a while on where,when, how and what will happen with my future. uni seems so close but yet so far away, i feel so shit about hsc. its making me lose my cool. i dont know how things are and such i just feel different. who am i and where do i stand? ive lost myself along the way i needta get back in those shoes of the person i was before like a month back. wtf happened to me? am i just imploding do i think too much? am i too worried abt everyone and everything? insecurties? fuck all these have one things in common - stress and to anyone whos reading this blog , im sorry if ive hurt you in any way. i sincerely am, ive acted out of nature and fuck im sorry. i need to find the person i was. i needta rewind and recapture moments. itll be a long road. but ill do whatever it takes. coz the person i am now i cant keep going on like this. being depressed, shitty,different. i feel like a ghost.

Lucas: Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the HEARTACHE and fear of what life has.

there are so many songs lately, that i can relate to. songs such as relient k - be my escape, John mayer - Dreaming With A broken heart, Radiohead - Street spirit(fade out) Death Cab For Cutie- Title and Registration to songs like Chris Brown - Erased, The Fray - Vienna,Look After You, or Coldplay - Fix you, i realised without music, id probably be dead or committing suicide(over exaggeration). music gets me through tough times, listening to a certain song, thinking. it helps past time and i thank whoever created music or noise or sound and yeah , thanks to all the music artists that have made madass songs that people can relate to. it helps. it really does.

hmms time to cut this blog short. after reading this blog i have not found the word "lol" in it ironically i just said it but yes it shows how things really are with me. shit house. but yeah time to end this shit with a quote i stand by and respect the guy(or charcter) who said it.

Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for. - NATHAN SCOTT

laters.